Everything I know about hiking...I learned wearing flip flops

ANTM Tonight

I found the pictures of ANTM Cycle 8 contestants on Tiffany's site.  (remember, if you want to be surprised tonight, don't look). 

Also, stop reading!  hee!

I told you I would pick out who I think it prettiest without having listened to their bitching and moaning and sad sad stories of their lives as strippers (I'm sorry, I still love you Joanie!) 

Okay, so ignoring any of the winners from previous cycles and how that whole "someone different" should win and any sort of pattern regarding race or height or hair color...

I'll pick the prettiest(s)

Dianna, Jasline, and Renee

Renee is too Caridee looking though.  Very normal looking.  Dianna is probably close to being the same.  Jasline is some shade of brown - which I don't believe they've ever had a winner that was hispanic or indian or some other shade of brown.  That might be a neat "hook."

Okay, so in the grand tradition of things - you know Renee, Dianna, and Jasline are going to be total bitches. Let's just hope no one rubs dirty panties on anyone else, okay?

Stay tuned for a recap tomorrow. :D

It Doesn't Work for Everything

I did bowl pretty well last night.  For two games.  The third game, not so much.  I think the lipstick might have worn off by then though.

I have to apologize in advance because I'm going to bitch about other drivers again.  This morning started with running late, and needing to get gas.  Then I got to the freeway, where they were metering - and they have a sign that says "2 cars per green light"  So, when the light turns green, TWO cars can get on the freeway.  Then we wait for the next green light.  And some dumbass didn't read and didn't go when they were the second car...pushing me back one light.  HATE.

Then there was the guy who drove a BIG truck (sorry about your small d*ck!)  And he was scared to drive next to this semi truck that was totally driving well within his own lane.  So he was slowing everyone else down who wanted to go around the truck....just in time to sit at the railroad crossing and wait for  the train.

So, by the time I get into work I'm like, "AH!!!"  And I go to the elevator and push the up button - and it lights up. So someone comes up behind me - approaches the buttons...and PUSHES IT AGAIN.  I shake my head and laugh at her.  Surprisingly that is the first time anyone has done that here.  Which, I'm totally shocked about because there seems to be a plethora of stupid people around these parts.

I think she sensed that I thought she was dumb, because then she started getting all chatty in the elevator.  She was nice but very LOAD (and also, dumb, remember).  Luckily we work in different offices. 

Hopefully I will have a happy update for you tonight after Weight Watchers.  I'm feeling pretty good about the week that I've had.  I went over a little on my points, but not with anything too fattening.  One of the guys that we bowl with even commented on how I look like I'd lost weight.  And I said, "Thanks.  But didn't we talk about that last week?" (he was afraid to say anything because girls + weight = touchy subject) and he said, "no, I mean even from last week.  I can see it in your face" 

THIS totally rocks because I'm really looking forward to having a smaller face.  I had a conversation with a coworker about that "you have such a pretty face..." comments. You know, the one that starts nice, but ends with "lose weight."  I'm the opposite.  I don't have a pretty face when I'm fat.  I'm not fishing for compliments when I say this - I know that it is true.  I'm not ugly, but no one has ever said to me "you have such a pretty face." 

Fortunately, I do have a pretty face when I'm thinner.  And I'm starting to see it.  NOW THAT makes all this point counting SO WORTH IT.  Wish me luck tonight! (I'm very excited too because a friend of mine is going to meet me at the meeting tonight.  She's really funny and super sweet and it will be nice to get to know her better.  Sometimes she reads this blog.  So Hi Heather!)

Shout Out!

Yesterday I had to give a reference for a friend (and ex-coworker of mine).  I've never had to give a reference before, but I knew this one would be easy.  She's totally awesome.  Remember my old job that I hated?  I worked with her there.  She started in December of 2005 and I started in May - and even by then, she was the most knowledgeable person in the office.  She basically ran the place.  Our Director came directly to her when he needed something and she was always willing to help.  For those other State workers out there - she came from private industry and had a FABULOUS work ethic.  (until we had hardly any work to do and she HAD to check the entertainment blogs with a little coaxing from me!) 

And in the six months I worked there, she became a really good friend.  She is someone I can talk trash with and the first one to email me with any entertainment news I may have missed.  I'm still laughing at her OMG Anna Nicole is DEAD(!) email.  We bonded over her wedding plans and made more than our fair share of Starbucks runs. 

I miss working with her and hanging out with her is the only thing I miss about that job.

Yesterday, I got a call from someone who wanted to know more about her.  I told her all those wonderful things and more.  And then sent her an email telling her, "OMG That guy is going to think we're sleeping together(!) THAT's(!) how good of a reference I just gave you!" 

Sure enough, she got the call today.  Congratulations on the new job, Sheila!! 

Lipstick Fixes Everything

When I was in high school I LOVED berry colored lipsticks.  Raisin Rage and Rum Raisin...anything raisin really.  And surprisingly it really looked good with my coloring.  Back in high school, for some reason, I cared more about how I looked.  I was like an old woman - I could skip everything else, but HAD to have on the lipstick.  That faded after graduation (if not before).  Getting up and putting on makeup gave way to much more desired sleep.

Also in high school, I had a little cousin that I used to take places.  Once I had a car, I would go and pick her up and take her to McDonald's for a happy meal or I'd take her to the skating rink.  We'd go to Gibson Ranch and see the horses.  She was 4.  It was kind of funny because I was totally a good girl back then (and still.  ::sigh::)  But I think to some people I was a mystery.  (could anyone really be THAT good?) 

I had recently broken up with a boyfriend, and Brianna (my cousin) and I were at McDonald's having lunch.  I was approached by a very cute, very popular guy from my class.  He said hi, and then asked if Brianna was my daughter.  I nearly spit out my french fries, and told him, Uh, no.  I think he thought he'd figured out my crazy mysterious side, what with the illegitimate child and whatnot.

Turns out I was just as good as he had suspected.  Only I could school his ass at the pool table.  See, after that, we started hanging out.  He'd come over after school and we'd play pool in my living room (our entire living room was just the pool table at the time). 

Anyway, that was a totally sidetrack.  So, later in life (say 21 or 22) I had long since stopped wearing the lipstick.  I don't even think I was in a lipgloss phase or anything.  (that was an Emily-era thing)  And I was hanging out with my cousin who was now 8 or 9.  And she looked at me and said, "you used to be so pretty."  Uh, Thanks!  So I asked her, jokingly what she meant.  And she mentioned the lipstick.

After the day I had yesterday (and the two days before)  I figured it was time for something good.  As I was leaving work yesterday this guy came out of a local wine bar and addressed those of us in the crosswalk (me and another girl) with a big happy "yeah it stopped raining!"  And all I could think was, "you better take your jolly ass away from me before I kick you!" 

Yeah, it's time for a pick me up.  So I dusted off my latest shade of raisin this morning.  I'm feeling better already.  (and my coworker came in and said, "you look really good today...you're wearing makeup.)  My only question then is...

Do you think the lipstick will help my bowling game? hee.

Dog Parts and Extreme Weather

I've made a decision about this.  I've decided to take Jenny's advice.  Except, instead of weilding the black bar, making poor Chance feel like a Don't, ala Glamour magazine...I will be pixelating the part of his area that is not required documentation.  I think that just might work.

*****

Do you know why California does not have extreme weather? (like the crazy snow and ice and all that?)  It's because we can't handle it.  We'd all kill each other.  If it wasn't a car accident that killed us, it would be road rage.  I'm a good driver, so I'd be on the road rage end of it, picking people off, one at a time.

It rained this weekend.  So the roads, they were....WET(!)  I know!  And it was raining a little.  Like, we're going 70, so it looks like it's really raining by the look of our windshields, but really it was like sprinkling. barely.

Yet, people were driving like assholes.  Like, if people are merging onto the freeway 4 at a time, and you see a group of people trying to get over - and well, the lane next to you is EMPTY why not move over?

Then there was the bus.  Busses pull over - they put on their hazards - they pick up/drop off people, then they put on their blinker to get back into traffic.  So this bus has it's blinker on, so I'm going to let it out.  And I wait, and I wait...and the damn guy is a LIAR!  He was still loading passengers, but didn't bother to turn off his blinker.  Mad honking, yo!

Then the broad at Starbucks who held up about 15 cars while she waited for a parking spot in front.  ACK! 

Don't people know not to mess with me when 1) I'm crampy (sorry to the 2 guys who may stumble upon this blog every once in awhile) and 2) I've had the shittiest weekend of them all.   GRRRRR.

Can I Just Send a Picture?

So apparently, it is now law here in my lovely city that whenever a dog over 4 months gets a rabies vaccination, the vet has to notify the city.  Then the city will send you a notice saying, "hey!  You better license your dog or we'll fine you!" 

I got that card today in the mail. It indicated that the fee is $36 for one year for an "unaltered" dog.  It's only $10 for a spayed/neutered dog, if you send the spay/neuter certificate.  Hmmm.  Well, since I got Chance from the shelter and he was already neutered by then...I don't have a certificate.  And if I had to go to a vet so they can look and say, "yup! no balls here!" I'd have to pay at least $36 for the vet visit. (plus the $10 for the registration).

Think they'd accept the $10 and a picture of Chance's dingle area?

My TV Lineup Just Got Shorter

Has anyone else been watching American Idol?

I am totally bitter about last nights results.  Not to say that the people who went home didn't deserve it though.  Most of them were pretty bad.  However, there was ONE who was worse.  That skank who sang the Aeosmith song (I'm so not even mentioning her name) was FAR WORSE than Amy. (Nicole was almost as bad).  I was happy that Alaina didn't get kicked off (you know the one that Ryan is trying to date, according to Simon?)  And I was glad the cute little beatboxing guy didn't go home either.  (and I was glad that the Jack Osbourne guy apologized and explained his comments to Simon because it really irks me when they back talk the judges).

However, there is no one that I LOVE.  So it's not worth it to watch how America rewards slutty girls who have pictures of themselves on the toilet (have you seen this?) and being half naked grabbing her friends boobs.  Oh, and who can't sing.  This is a singing competition. (Ha! I sounded like Simon).  Anyway, I'm bitter that America has horrible taste or that all the guys she's performed favors for voted at least once, totally putting her over the edge and making her safe this week. 

I'm so not watching this show anymore. 

Luckily(!) America's Next Top Model is back next week.  Which means, so are my recaps!  Woot!  I'll try to get on the CW site this weekend and pick out the girl I think is the prettiest (you know, before hearing them speak and finding out they are total bitches).  I never pick the right person (A.J. from last season was kind of a turd, but I picked her out. lol)  So, we'll see if pretty becomes ugly and how many show(s) into the season it will take to figure that out.

Karyn posted a great blog entry the other day about celebrities.  And my book club discussed it last night.  We've decided not only that we need to call up our friend Britney and run and intervention, but we've decided it's all a conspiracy set up by Paris Hilton.  See, Paris convinced Britney to have a breakdown - which would totally take the focus off of her.  It's genius.  I'm a total Britney (pre k-fed of course) fan and I feel really bad for her.  Yeah, she brought a lot of it on herself, but she's just a dumb girl.  We all knew that from the very beginning.  Like Judge Judy says, "pretty fades, dumb is forever."  You know I love to talk crap, but this whole Britney thing is just too sad.  I hope she gets help before it's too late.

Doors Are Confusing Y'all!

I'm not sure why, but apparently the operation of doors is a very difficult thing to learn.

A question for you - because I know you guys aren't dumb. 

Say you're getting ready to walk into an office from the hallway.  The door is a solid door (read: you cannot see if anyone is coming the other direction) The door also has a handle that you must grab, turn, and push/pull to open.  Soooo, if you're getting ready to walk in and the door (miraculously!) starts opening...do you.

a) stand back because it's obvious that someone (NOT YOU) is opening the door and probably has NO IDEA that you are standing there. 

b) get as close as you possibly can to the space where the door is opening so you can try to shove yourself through.

If you answered...

a) I knew I loved you!

If you answered...

b) we must work together

Another question (along the same lines)

If the door is 1) solid and 2) opens when you hit the handicap button...and you're getting ready to walk out of the restroom and you HAVEN'T HIT THE BUTTON and the door starts (again miraculously) opening....wouldn't you assume that someone on the other side actually DID hit the button?  And that you should assume that this person does not have bionic superpowers that allow them to see through solid wood doors to know that you are standing on the other side?

Sometimes I really wonder how it is that people get through their days without serious injury. 

Weigh In Wednesday

Well, I knew I wasn't going to lose weight.  And I figured I'd gained weight.  So I went into the meeting with the "okay, let's see where I'm at" attitude.  See, if I skip a weigh in because it's bad - then I don't know how much I gained or didn't gain to track it and know I did better the next week.  So I went.

AND I ONLY GAINED .6 pounds.

That's like, nothing, really.  I've still lost 19 pounds (19.1, to be precise).  And now I can get back on track and do what I need to do.  (reevaluate)  I'm totally gonna be like B. Good and lose next week!  I gotta catch up!

Tonight, Mark is bbqing dinner and the Beauty and the Geek Reunion and American Idol are on.  And I'm going to treat myself to a pedicure and a face mask while I watch.  Things are looking up!

Bye Bye BlogHer

Nicole just sent me notice that Chicago will be invaded by CICADAS right around the time of Blogher.  Therefore, I REFUSE to set foot in that GOD FORSAKEN City.

I was really looking forward to Blogher, but I don't do bugs.  Especially bugs that come in sheets and coat everything in their wake.  I'm cool.  However, this does give her an excuse to sleep on our comfy comfy couch in Sunny CA this summer. :P