Everything I know about hiking...I learned wearing flip flops

Wowzers!

I have well surpassed my comments high on that last blog.  So, let's try something else along those same lines (because, well, everyone dressed fairly normally at bowling so there were no pictures to be taken to entertain you folks. lol) 

This one is inspired by Blondie's cat penis story. (I don't even want to check my google searches tomorrow).   I used to have rabbits.  As in, I had a rabbit, it died.  Then I had another rabbit, it died.  Etc.

The first rabbit was the typical "humping like rabbits" rabbit.  He LOVED my dog.  Poor poor Shasta!  He would chase her around and try to get on her.  One time I grabbed him and picked him up and he was, um, excited.  Only, it was icky and scary.  Seriously it was like pink spaghetti.  I freaked out and thought he had worms.  BAHAHAHA.  Yeah and I was like 18.  How's that for sheltered?  But it's not wonder I was confused I mean, when my first dog used to hump things in the yard (a pillow bed, stuffed animals) my mom used to tell me that she was "dancing."  We called it the Lolly Dance for quite some time, I remember.  GAH!

I think I have gotten all of my animal sex stories out of my head now.  I have nothing left for you.  I'm so sorry! 

Today I am in a GREAT mood.  Because you know what's great about today?  It's Wednesday morning, yet, for me, it's like Friday afternoon because i'm leaving work in like 3 hours and 46 minutes.  WOOT!  I took a half day today to go shopping and get ready for our trip.  We made the executive decision that there will be no cooking of diner while we are on vacation.  So, we're going to grab pizza one night, which I've TOTALLY been craving.  (I haven't had real pizza since BWW - before Weight Watchers).  Yeah!

Like I said, nothing exciting to report about bowling.  The pajama girl wore actual clothes (why are all her clothes like the Grinch's heart? - several sizes TOO SMALL).  Ms. Frumpy wore her usual sweatpants, but they weren't faded, so they almost looked like real pants from far away (if you squint and don't know any better).  The highlight was that both PG and Ms. Frumpy were VERY FAR AWAY so I had no reason to even think about the horrible crimes that they commit against fashion.  I bowled decently.  I got a Sephora (!) gift card from one of the guys on our team (and his girlfriend) - the ones we double date with. 

Tonight is weigh-in and I'm not very excited.  I didn't do very well going to the gym - though, walking at least a mile every day has to count for something (and the two miles I did back and forth to that salon last Friday!)  My pants don't feel any tighter, so that's a good thing.  I'm wearing a pair of pants that i haven't worn in like 2 weeks and they are definitely fitting looser than they used to.  Keep your fingers crossed!

Pet Troubles

I'm excited that my poop post elicited so much response.  Who knew?  I mean, first it was boobs then it was poop.  I had no idea that my target population were 13 year old boys!

Now that I know, here's something else you might like.

We have 3 frogs and 3 snails.  On Saturday I cleaned the aquarium where they live.  hee.  It was filthy dirty.  I used the little net to move all the little critters into a bowl.  I noticed that I got two frogs at one time because one of them was holding onto the back of one of the others.  He had his little frog arms wrapped around the waist of the other one and you could see overlap where he was just digging in.  I'm thinking he's just lazy, lookin' for a free ride.  So I poke at him trying to get him to let go - but he won't!

I clean the tank and go to put them all back in - and the other frog tries jumping out of the net.  So I yell for Mark because there is NO WAY I'm going to let the little bugger loose and go chasing him.  He's like 2 inches long including his arms and legs.  So Mark puts them all back in the tank and I notice that the one that is being "held" is starting to get sleeeeeeepy.  It's kind of laying all off kilter like, oh, a dead frog might.  And I'm worried because OMG they are killing each other!!!

Of course, being the internet genius that i am (LOL) I go and look up some information online.  And apparently the frog on the bottom is the female and the little murderer is male and they were humping...and ew!  It did not look very fun.  (Now I know why praying mantis's eat the males head when they are done).  It said that could stay like that for like 10 hours or something crazy.  Luckily they parted ways about 40 minutes after I put them back in the tank (can you imagine that interruption to your own sex life?  'scuse me...yeah, move over here while I make the bed...okay, let me put you back...)

And then I saw the little bastard on the other frog!  ACK!  I've got a tank full of perverts.   

I Know a Dog What Is Spoiled

"you're the girl with the perfume poo-poo bags"

"I'm the woman with the scented waste receptacle, yes"

(From Red, White, and Blonde)

Mark and I took Chance for a walk on Sunday.  And as per usual, I didn't bring the correct number of poo bags.  :(  I usually forget and leave it in the car, which makes me very bad indeed.  However, this time I brought one.  And Mark forgot that I brought one (apparently) and pulled Chance along so he'd stop doing his business....and I filed his business away, only to realize that he had more business to attend to.  ACK!

So, before our trip - he's getting this. How cute are those? 

Oh, and the reason he needs them before our trip (along with his shots!) is because he's going with us!  Spoiled dog gets to take a trip to the coast and it's not even his birthday!  (plus, he'll have his first trip to a dog park...I'm sure i'll have much to post on that one!) 

We are starting to gear up for Birthday Palooza.  Also known as "let's get the heck out of here!" weekend.  Our first decision was yes, the dog is going on our trip with us.  Now we have to decide what we're eating.

Being that I haven't subjected you to my listy goodness as of late, here ya go.

Things I need to accomplish this week.

* work stuff (boring!)

* cut/color with stylist

* find outfit that accentuates the fact that I do, in fact, have a waist

* pack up dog stuff

* pack up our stuff

* make a grocery list (and shop! and pack!)

* wash my car (my god it's filthy - damn birds)

* weight watchers on Wednesday - (and subsequent blog posting)

Not to mention go to the gym enough times that I won't have to send ANOTHER itunes card to Nicole.  grrrr.

Weekend Warmup

The weekend started with someone getting his shots....

I took him to his first trip anywhere where someone might stab him with something. (I know, I'm bad).  I took him to one of those on-the-go low-cost vaccination clinic things.  It was cool though because I wasn't sure how he'd behave since he's never been to the vet...but the vet injected him with both shots at the same time and the whole thing was over in about 2 seconds.  On the way home, Chance got to eat cookies most of the way home.  What a good boy!  Tomorrow he gets to go for a walk as a special treat. 

And I attempted to start and finish a project.  This particular project is for a friend that I know reads this blog.  I'm just not sure how often - or if she's already on maternity leave.  So, I'm going to show you the start of the project because I spent most of my day working on it.   I started it and got to about here, when I ran out of yarn and had to go get more (from the store that ALWAYS has a TON of this yarn). 

BUT the store DIDN'T have any of this yarn.  So, I bought a different color (all they had - only 4 skeins which was 1 or 2 less than I'll probably need).  I decided that I'd go to the other store and see if they had the original yarn that I needed, that way I could just exchange it.

However, I came home with this...

At least they had 2 more skeins of this one!  So now, I'm here...

Luckily, Emily and Christina and I are doing a crafty day tomorrow.  I plan to finish the project and have it wrapped and ready to go by Monday.  I'll post pictures of the finished project after I give it to my friend. 

What was Mark doing through all of this yarn dubachery?  Playing his computer game.  Apparently it's double points/credit/xp (whatever that is) weekend...so I pretty much gave him the whole weekend to sit at the computer if he wants to.  Be sure to notice that I even provided him with a drink and a bowl of freshly popped popcorn! 

And for the pics that Lindsey requested. (is that enough credit for you biatch?! ha!) 

This was the only one that came out very well - meaning, the angle.  Please disregard the very spotty bathroom mirror

(look! I have a waist!) 

More Polyana Blog - Sort of

Today has been a good day.  I started it with a big yummie breakfast from Crepeville.  And I've gotten a lot of work done. 

On my lunch I walked 3/4 of a mile to a salon to have them do a consultation on my hair.  See, I love Aveda products (I went to buy product and decided I'd do the consult while I was there).  My current salon is NOT an Aveda salon.  So I thought - if you like the product, why not use the salon that uses the product.  But today, I remembered why.  1) the girl was kind of dumb.  2) they pulled the OMG YOU USED AN AT-HOME hair dye!! scam.  You know how it goes - a hoity toity salon or a self-righteous stylist (because seriously, this place was not great)...gives you crap for not always having "salon" color.  Well, frankly, at the rate I go through stylists and the fact that I can usually do a better job than most of them...yeah, that's a good enough reason for me.

So, I should have known better than to try to switch it up when I'm satisfied with what I have.  I cemented my decision to stick with my current stylist because OMG she cuts PERFECTLY and she's done great color in the past - I'll drive the extra 20 minutes out of the way (35 minutes total) to get my hair done with her.  This may sound like  it was a bad experience, but it ended up being a really good one.

AND today someone I haven't seen in a few weeks mentioned that I "looked good."  She's my bat-shit crazy old coworker, but I ran into her in the hall.  She said, "you look good!  What have you been doing?"  and I told her and she was excited for me.  So that was nice.  I've noticed a bit of a difference, but when you see yourself all the time (or the people you know see you all the time) it's harder to notice losses unless they are HUGE.

So that was nice to know.  I will try to find a good bad "before" picture to post, as well as a good current one (hee!) so that maybe you can see a difference between then and now. 

Degrassi and The White House

Do any of you watch Degrassi?  Do you know what it is?  It's a show about teenagers that is based out of Canda...it's like one of those after school specials, but as a continuing series.  (I used to watch it when I was like jr. high age - and now they have "the new generation" where the people from the old series are the parents or teachers.)

Anyway, I watch this show a lot. (speaking of which, there is a new episode tonight).  They deal with issues like pregnancy (keeping it, adoption, abortion), drug abuse, stealing, love triangles, stds, jail time, cutting, and a school shooting are just some of the highlights.

So, last night I watched like 10 minutes of an episode that I've seen like 40 times.  And yet, it stayed with me and infiltrated my dreams.  ACK! 

We went on a field trip to the White House.  We took a walking tour outside the White House and then were brought inside to wait.  When I asked what we were waiting for, I was told that there is a planetarium and that we "had to meet the president" in order to see it.  So we were excited about the planetarium, not so much about the president - meeting him was apparently the necessary evil to getting to that planetarium.

While I waited, I was interacting with my fellow students - you know, at Degrassi. (kill me!)  I gave Manny my moss green eyeliner because it would make her eyes look "fierce!" (apparently, I was channeling my inner Tyra too).  I exchanged smart-ass comments back and forth with Jay (the resident bad boy).  I made out with Shawn while he waited for the cops to arrest him for something he did - (he came running in like they were hot on his tail). 

At some point we went on a drive in a mini van with one of the president's aids.  My seat had a little steering wheel in the back and it had buttons that let me control the van too, only I didn't realize it. When my head hit the steering wheel in frustration, the van STOPPED for just a moment. The aid didn't question it though, and just kept talking.  None of us were listening.

When I got back the president was making his appearance...and we came running in and apparently we're supposed to stand at a certain spot and be behind him or something weird and so he kind of nodded like "move back" to us - in a helpful way.  And the president was like Chevy Chase (because for some reason we had to get even dorkier than W himself?)

And then I woke up.  THANK GOODNESS.  All that waiting and I was still not looking forward to the planetarium.  hee.

Weight Watchers Thursday

Let me first just say that I had to totally psych myself up to go to Weight Watchers yesterday.  Let me overshare and say that it's like 2 days before I'm supposed to start my period and it's the first time I have felt bloated in over two weeks. So I do a little research and realize that it's normal to gain like 3 pounds and blame it all on PMS.  So, I figured that if I didn't gain more than 3 pounds I'd still be okay. 

(we won't mention the 1/3 of a maple walnut blondie that I had on Friday night or the steak dinner with baked potato that I had on Sunday night...nor the several glasses of chocolate milk).

BUT (!)  I still lost weight this week!  3.4 pounds!  Bringing me up to a total of 13.9 pounds!! (I had him fix the math error - which meant I got my recognition for 10 pounds lost...but he messed it up again by going over...so I'm just going to fix it for him. lol)

So this week I'm hoping to lose again - bringing my weight loss to 15 pounds total - which is a good number to reward myself with a super cute new dress or outfit to wear to dinner with Mark for my birthday!  yeah!!

*****

As a side note - comments to my comments

Lindsey - Thanks for making me feel better.  Encouraging traffic safety is an important task and I plan to uphold it the best way I can.  Mark said that he'll probably key my car - but I think he was too young for that.  I told Mark he'd probably tell his mom about the "mean lady" to which he replied, "yeah, I can just hear it - 'Mom! I was riding my scooter in the street, with no helmet....'"  Good point.

Blondie - I am a classy girl.  I hang out in all the cool places!

Aly(!) - You're back!  I've missed you!!!

Horrible Warning - I'm hoping that I will be included on this camping trip and that the list will include a giant jug of cosmopolitans, jello shots, and Cranium.

Carrie - this one was from long ago, but I'm not sure I answered it.  Yes, the Mark that you see on my comments is MY Mark. :)

Coal Black Heart

First I have to say to Laurel - you are meaner than me!  And I love you for that! (and also, Mark tried to get a picture, but it didn't come out very well. LOL) 

Maybe I'm not as mean as I think.  Today on the way home from work I was driving down a street close to my house.  There was a young boy (7? 8?) on a motorized scooter (like a standup one).  IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET.  I was driving behind him long enough to watch him travel a short distance...start to head towards the sidewalk, swurve back into the middle of the street, and squat down on the scooter while it was moving.  So I got up about 12 feet behind him (I'm going like -2 miles per hour at this point) and I just HIT THE HORN.  Not for a long time, just a quick short blast (see!  I'm not mean!) and OMG he jumped and then headed off towards the bike lane where he should have been.

And I felt a little sorry for him.  I think there may be hope for me yet.

Now I'm the Bitch - but whatever

What is it with the elevators?  Though they do provide much blogging fun!  Well, blogging anyway.

Today, I was coming back up on the elevator and someone was wearing the WORST PERFUME EVER.  (I believe that was your designer imposter perfume! –

Cher

, Clueless).  I was waving my gloves in front of my face the whole time as to avert the stench from getting anywhere near my poor innocent nose.  Someone gave me a weird look for it – but I’m not sure it was the offender.

At least, she wasn’t offensive smelling.  However, I was following the weird look lady to the elevator and HAD to pass her.  She wasn’t BIG but she was a little overweight and she was wearing the LEAST FLATTERING PANTS OF ALL TIME (well, not ALL TIME, but close).  It was very obvious that she hadn’t had her time in a 360 degree mirror.  And it was taking all of my willpower to not pull a Stacy London and grab her and drag her to a mirror and show her What Not To Wear.  It was like a trainwreck. 

So when we get out of the elevator, she’s in front of me again.  ACK!  But there is another woman between us.  We’ll call her the bag lady who couldn’t walk any slower if she tried.  She was pulling a small suitcase (like and airplane carryon) with wheels.  Only the wheels didn’t move well and it was more like she was dragging a dead body.  THAT SLOOOOOWLY.  I almost shoved her down and ran past her.  But this is a place of business people! 

And ya’ll won’t believe me when I say this, but it’s true! TRUE (!)  There was a woman at bowling last night who made Ms. Frumpy look pretty and her sister Skelator look like a princess. My first sighting was in the parking lot.  She was wearing pajama bottoms that were like light blue with chicks on them (like baby chickens or ducks or something) and they said something on them.  She was also wearing a sweatshirt.  Mark and I both commented on the icky factor of hating yourself and your husband so much that you would resort to not even getting dressed to go in public.

However it got worse once we were inside. MUCH WORSE (!)  I had forgotten about her until one of the guys we bowl with pointed her out and said, “it seriously looks like she went, ‘oh sh*t!  I’ve gotta go to bowling after already going to bed.”  She had taken off the sweatshirt (!)  And underneath (brace yourself!) was a men’s white wife-beater tank top.  And a BLUE bra.  I told the guys that of course, it could have been worse.  We were THANKFUL she was wearing a bra.  ANY BRA.  We tried to get a picture so we could, like Glamour magazine, wield the Black Bar.  This is the same woman who comes to bowl on a team that consists only of herself and her husband – and she wears an MP3 player the ENTIRE TIME so she doesn’t speak to anyone.  Now, I’m kind glad!

Despite our meanness (even STRAIGHT MEN were commenting on the icky-factor) we all bowled pretty well.  One guy bowled a 289!!  That’s like, amazing.  Mark bowled a 232, which is also WONDERFUS and I bowled a 140-something, which, while not fabulous for normal people, is VERY good for me.  Woot!

Tonight is my 4^th weigh in and I’m scared!

Today on my list of things to do that will keep me from thinking about 1) food and 2) weighing in is deciding FOR SURE what I want to do for BirthdayPalooza!  Around these parts, birthdays last for weeks – so considering mine is just over a week away (Feb 2), I better get it in gear.  I’ve already got the salon appointment and Mark and I are heading to the coast for the weekend…but the following weekend I’m going bar hopping with friends.  Yeah!

A Little Campin'

Emily and I have a new found obsession with camping.  We want to go.  Like now! And often!  We’ll decide how we’ll handle the bathroom situation later.

In obsessing, we found this list. 

Upon reviewing the list I found several things that are a little weird. The organization of this list is a little wacky.  Meaning, why are the confirmation numbers listed halfway down under “activities.” Shouldn’t that be like the FIRST thing you’ll need. 

And while I find it nice that all the seasonal clothing is included, I’m wondering if I might actually need to wear something in addition to my gloves, bathing suit, hat, and poncho.  Say, pants?!

I might actually starve on this trip – perhaps making pants completely unnecessary.  Particularly when I’m done consuming all that butter, beer, wine, and cinnamon sugar.  Pants?!  I don’t need no stinkin’ pants!  I’m gonna be super pissed though when I remind myself to bring the marshmallow forks and then I find when I get there that THERE ARE NO MARSHMALLOWS ON THE LIST.  Fuck!

The kitchen list is very thorough.  Though I’m not sure how many Huggies I normally use in the course of a day in my own kitchen.  I suppose camping is special though.

I don’t even want to imagine the look on Mark’s face when I go to pack my hair dryer, and don’t remember to bring towels. (again, not on the list!) But what on earth will I use those 2 tubes of toothpaste for?

Last but not least, please remember to always pack your gazebo.  I mean, you never know when you might want to get married or something.